A scene that can't be painted by words

The other day during my first clinical (at an elementary school) I was lucky enough to have time to just chill. I was just supposed to meet up with the kid who I am doing a health history & assessment, so I go into the cafeteria to spend time with him during lunch. First off, I am so lucky in many aspects in my life right now. Despite having a history as a cynic I have been surprising myself lately, because it seems that everyday now I am either thinking about how thankful I am for all the good things in my life or verbalizing it. Anyways, getting back to the first thought I am pretty lucky because the kid who I was assigned is totally this super chill, and nice kid. During lunch I had like the most relaxing moment in a while. All the kids were super friendly, funny, and all around awesome. I had only briefly met them the week before, but they acted like I was an old friend. We played UNO, and joked around, and while I am not twelve years old, and have to represent the school in a professional manner it was probably one of those moments where I too almost acted like a twelve year old and to my classmates seemed like a overgrown child. What I really took from it was that I definitely want to work in a field where I can help children. I seem to understand them better, empathize on a greater level with their feelings, and also I feel more comfortable communicating with kids. A weird statement from the person who over the years has been very off and on about having children, and possibly could be quoted by numerous people stating "If I have kids, when they are teenagers I am shipping them to a boarding school in Switzerland". It gave me a really warm feeling to feel so sure about wanting to work with kids, just within the last couple weeks I was doubting my ability to ever be a good nurse, but when I walked out of clinical the other day I KNEW deep down that I want to be a great nurse and I can be, and then the best feeling of I have found where I belong in my career (in the sense of I know who I can help now, and where I can make an impact). It's odd because over the last couple weeks I have had moments occur like this in other aspects of my life. I know where I belong. I know where I can do good. I know who I belong with. Warmth, joy, and much thankfulness.

me and that

there are a couple things i love about myself.....my blank loves your blank...take it for what it is.....and christ sakes fucking take it now...

Dream, Dream, Dream...And I want you

So much has happened, and my life feels like a whirlwind. It's like my dreams have become reality, and unfortunately so have my nightmares. How does one balance feelings so euphoric as well as those that create a dull lingering pain? I guess I am wondering how can all the pain carry on with all the beauty that should induce only a state close to that of warmth and happiness. But all I know is that I want to dream that everything is fine, and I am fine. Most of the time I am, but the other times are what seem to make the deepest cut lately. I need to find peace.

Doing What You Do

So....after moments where things got shitty I decided to step outside the normal comfort zone, and just do things that make me feel good (within reason). I never thought that I could enjoy that sort of view, but once again I was proven wrong. I stopped overthinking anything as much as I used to, and just let things go however they may. Good stuff....I suggest everyone at least try it